I might as well update this since Ive been quiet for the last few months. I wont go into anything particular, just random stuff flowing from my mind.

For starers, I'm a lil sad after I just found out today a good friend of mine is leaving for basic training for the national Guard tomorrow. The worst part is I wont get to hear from him again until next summer. Its a disappointing factor that you just begin a nice friendship with someone, then boom, this comes along and your back to square one. Now I cant object to someone whose doing it for his future and wants to serve his country. I in fact envy anyone whose willing to have it rough for a good cause. Its just heart wrenching that it feels like a injection of loneliness has just been shot into you after a friend breaks off. And then after that seemingly long winter, will I still remember that person from long ago? If you ask me, I don't know how those people who have loved ones serving in a far away place with little or no communication can stand it.

And speaking of loneliness... I'm getting tired of being here in Laredo. Its the fact I'm different here, not unlike the others. I feel like a alien on a foreign plaint. Sure Ive learned all the ways and customs but... I still feel isolated in this town as if I don't belong here. I was only here in first place because of my dads job. Theres nothing for me here anymore. I don't wanna be a place I cant be happy in.

Thats why I'm trying to make my first serious attempt to move out, be on my own, someplace I can feel happier in. The only thing stopping me is I don't know who to move in with. I wanna move to Austin to be with Joe Wolf. He needs someone close by who can help him. However, who is taking roommates? Hell if not Austin, anywhere is fine. Anywhere but this fucking town. I know my folks will object to it. But I'm grown now and this is not what I want! If they wanna yell and disown me then... I'm sorry they feel that way. I'm reaching the point that my happiness bar will break soon. I don't care if I to face harsh reality of living on your own. Anywhere is fine as said.

I should also mention the fact its been a year since I've been out of college. I dropped out because I still didn't know what I wanted to do later in life and liberal art courses can only take you so far. Even now, nothing has been solved yet. I'm up to a point im gonna bang my head against the wall. I cant even figure it out myself whats right for me. I was thinking of going into management, but I still have doubts. And where do I go to?

Well I guess this journal turned more into a depressing vent. I'm not really that gloomy. But when you have all that just trapped inside you for a long time, you get the urge to release it.

One last thing is pretty much from here on out, for those wondering, unless I can move out soon, My chances for MFF doesn't look good. The main reason being my folks will bitch about it and that I may not get the time off for it. If I can move out around mid November, I can break from my waiter job for awhile and enjoy myself. Its something I really want to do.